HOME THERAPY SERIES 'ME'

"But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned... Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh..." (1 Corinthians 7:28). 

In the last couple of messages, the Lord has been speaking to us on the keys that will put joy in our marriages and homes. We have discussed various laws - oneness, nakedness, kindness and the law of honour. Time will fail us to discuss  the law of agreement, the law of duty and a few others that are equally helpful to turn our homes to centres of unceasing jubilation. We shall return to such discussions when God permits. 

For now, I want to deal with one of the fundamental requirements that must be met by both the husband and the wife for any of these laws to work. It is the issue of dying to self. The greatest hindrance to peace and joy in the home is self, that is, the flesh. Indeed, God instituted these laws to negate the negative influence and effects of self on our relationships. 

Let me tell you a bit about self and the damage it does to marriage. Self, whether it comes in the garment of 'I', 'me', 'my' or 'mine' is at the bottom of every problem in the home. Hurts, insults, cheating, and every other thing that makes you say "I can't take that" reside in the flesh. The Bible makes it clear that those who marry "shall have trouble in the flesh" (1 Corinthians 7:28). What we should understand from this is that wherever the flesh is reigning, trouble shall be ever present in such homes. 

Marital trouble has only one friend. Its name is 'flesh', carnality, the 'I' in everyone of us. If 'I' is exalted in any form in your home, trouble shall be your regular companion in that home. But what if the flesh is dead or mortified as the Bible commands (Romans 8:12), where will the trouble be accommodated? 

Let me share a personal experience. One month before I got engaged to my wife, God spoke to me very directly from a Scripture that has no obvious connection with marriage. He told me (as I read Deuteronomy 4:22) that the 'I' in me must die before I enter into marriage. He told me that 'I' with the selfishness it connotes must die in the land of singleness because 'plural' is the language that makes marriage work. 

In other words, "What is good for me" must be replaced by "What is good for us". "What I want" must give way to "What we need". The two that have become one must take precedence over the one that is a part of the two. And if at all anything would be done to the advantage of one, it should be in favour of your partner and not yourself. The Bible puts it this way - "in honour preferring one another" (Romans 12:10). 

What God taught me helped me a lot considering the fact that I courted for only eight (8) weeks. I married as it were, a total stranger and under normal circumstances, we should have had trouble aplenty. But I had prayed that God should help me to mortify the flesh and subdue the 'I' in me. He did, and for over two decades now, ours has been a story of unbridled love, joy, harmony, peace and bliss.